There’s something creepy about plants. Yes, on the surface they are benign, beautiful and peaceful just sitting there enjoying the sun and being pretty. But on second glance they are cold, patient, unfeeling and silent, capable of sinking their roots almost anywhere given the chance. This post isn’t about that. It’s about giant spectacularly implausible plant monsters and silly man eating produce. Here are our Top 5 Monster Plants.
5. The Sarlaac
Yes, the sarlaac pit from Return of the Jedi is actually a giant potted plant. Sarlaacs are huge omnivorous plants with life spans of up to 50,000 years. They are actually capable of traveling great distances and hunt pray before they reach maturity at the tender age of 30,000 years old. They then burrow 100 meters into the ground, lower their standards to the bare minimum and wait for whatever to fall in their maw to be lazily digested over the course of a millennium. It may not seem like a viable survival tactic but if you consider the fact a simple mating act releases millions of spores and the fact that they have two natural predators who don’t even exist in the current Star Wars canon, it’s not so bad.
The plants from The Day of the Triffids are questionably scary on their own, but what makes this story panic inducingly scary is the circumstances. The whole planet goes blind because of a meteor shower, which allows these cultivated flesh hungry vines to escape and rampage on the population, tearing people apart and being generally bothersome to be around. Just imagine being unable to see and knowing there’s a triffid creeping up on you. The set up and the overall vibe of the story is what landed them a place on this list.
3. Killer Tomatoes
The 70s and 80s gave birth to a weird genre of film. Maybe after the realisation that whether you wet your pants out of fear or laughter, the end result is the same. So why not have both!? The Evil Dead did it, Freddy Krueger started cracking jokes possibly to seem more likeable by detracting from the fact he’s a child murdering paedophile. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a cult classic of the genre, spoofing Hitchcock’s The Birds and other B movies. The premise is quite simple. For unknown reasons tomatoes became angry at us for eating them and decided to eat us. It was made on a budget of just under 100 000$ which in today’s Hollywood isn’t even enough to buy enough oil to make a lead’s muscles nice and shiny. However it spawned 3 sequels, one of which incidentally launched George Clooney’s career. We’re not kidding.
Biollante sprang to life as a result of mixing a rose bush with the blood of Godzilla and human genes. Yes it’s quite a japanese premise, but as they’ve proved time and time again, it doesn’t have to make sense to be an entertaining experience. In it’s first form Biollante was smaller than the King of Kaijus, and honestly looks quite cute with that rose petal head of hers. That is until she is hit with Godzilla’s Atomic Breath, causing her to quickly mutate and grow bigger than him. Basically a skyscraper sized angry shrubbery with a crocodile mouth. Being a plant has quickly landed this kaiju in Godzilla’s gallery of most memorable foes. It’s one of the more uniquely shaped too, as opposed to the typical guy-in-a-bulky-suit body type.
1. Audrey II
Our undisputed champion in the category. Twoey from Little Shop of Horrors has it all – unsettling appearance, cunning, and an awesome singing voice to boot. The other monster plants on this list are more or less mindless, or just plain dumb. This one however plays the protagonist of the film like a fiddle to feed it blood and gradually even live people, before bursting into a song and one of the most unique end fights in movie history. The practical effects are incredible and still hold well enough to make you feel Audrey’s texture even today. It is both unsettling and prone to make you burst into dance. It’s also big enough to sort your household’s sauerkraut needs for at least two winters. Though this is one cabbage you are better off not tangling with.